Review: Gone Girl (2014)

Snap Judgment: Honestly? One of my favorite movies of 2014. Even having read the book, it was still tense and gripping. Reading the book first is highly recommended. Avoiding spoilers is even more highly recommended.  So I'm going to go extra-light on the plot here.

To say I was skeptical of the casting of Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike as the leads is an understatement. Past movies have proved that Affleck and Pike have a limited number of facial expressions, and a psychological movie such as this one demands some subtle acting. Amazingly, their limited ranges are just perfect. Affleck has a nice-guy face with the oily smile of a conman. Pike is a remote, Hitchcockian blonde. Neither may have the range to slip into a wide array of characters, but they do have what it takes to play Nick and Amy Dunne, a seemingly perfect couple with more cracks than a dropped egg. 

Grade: A

Final Verdict: Surprisingly strong performances from the stars and expert directing, matched with an exciting story that was expertly translated from page to screen. I hope this gets noticed when it comes to awards time. I rarely see a film that is so well-executed that I enjoyed so much.

If You Like This, Watch: Rear Window, Basic Instinct, What Lies Beneath   

Gone Too Soon?: What New Fall 2014 TV Shows Have Already Been Cancelled

November sweeps are now underway, with deaths and breakups and special guest stars and other twisty twists and turny turns to grab viewers. For some shows it's already too late: they lost the popularity contest and got the axe. The only show that I'm upset about is Selfie. It was not a good show, but it had the most potential of any of those cancelled so far. I was hoping the network would give it time to find itself, but alas. 

This season has not been kind to comedies. So far the five cancelled network shows have all been comedies. For those of you who are looking for new comedies, two good ones that have so far survived are ratings smash Black-ish (I had my doubts, but it is funny) and underdog Marry Me (filling the quirky Happy Endings hole in my life).  

Manhattan Love Story was the very first new fall show to get cancelled. Given the fact that the trailer was such a turn-off, I never even watched an episode. And now I never will. The show supposedly got you a look inside the minds of a couple who meet in the Big Apple. With annoying voice overs, not those cool '90s pop-ups from Blind Date. The guy's mind was an unappealing place to be. And the show was apparently an unappealing one to watch.

Review: The Railway Man (2014)

Snap Judgment: A brutal story of PTSD that is ultimately redemptive and optimistic. Colin Firth is a man obsessed with railways  who in the beginning of the film meets and falls in love with gentle but courageous Nicole Kidman. Colin Firth is still crippled by his time in the Japanese POW camps that built the Thai-Burma Railway (which is also the subject of the newest Booker Prize winner, The Narrow Road to the Deep North). Colin Firth learns that the Japanese translator who was one of his main torturers is still alive and goes to confront, and maybe kill him. 

Honestly, the torture/POW parts of this film were hard to get through, mostly because you know such awful, cruel, unspeakable things really
happened to people (in fact, this movie is based on an autobiography of the same name by Eric Lomax). The performances are so raw and expressive that I think it is a damn shame that none of them will get nominated (because this film didn't get released during awards season, the chance of nominations are almost nil). Colin Firth in particular is impressive as a shy, kind, upright man who is still broken but can't find a way to heal. Nicole Kidman does an equally powerful job as his wife, a woman who loves him deeply and tries to be strong for him, but struggles with how to help when love is not enough. Supporting performances by Stellan Skarsgard (Colin Firth's best friend and fellow POW survivor) and Hiroyuki Sanada (the war criminal who tortured Colin Firth and has spent the past decades trying to redeem himself) are also excellent. This film intelligently explores the question of what war does to both the victim and the perpetrator, how it shatters everything it touches and how it isn't a simple, easy thing to move past.

Grade: B+

Final Verdict: A beautifully performed, traumatic but redemptive movie about war, torture, and the cost it demands.

If You Like This, Watch: Letters from Iwo Jima/Flags Of Our Fathers, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, The English Patient

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Friday Nights

Friday nights, as per usual, aren't jam-packed with new shows. It is becoming less of a place where TV shows go to die (although it is still somewhat of a graveyard). Two new shows (and another airing of reality TV Utopia) are on fall Fridays: another laugh track comedy and a supernatural drama.

Cristela

 Premiere Date: October 10

Showtime: 8:30 pm

Network: ABC

Description: Cristela is a Mexican-American law student who must juggle an unpaid internship and her family.

     

To Watch or Not to Watch: Meh. This seems like basically another version of The McCarthys. Laugh track, zany family problems, etc., etc. Hitflix found Cristela the actress/producer incredibly engaging at the press conference, but the comedy of the pilot too broad and overdone.

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Thursday Nights

Thursdays are an interesting night. There's two shows about how awful the people in the legal profession are (How to Get Away With Murder and Bad Judge), a romcom (A to Z), a remake of a British police procedural (Gracepoint), and a comedy with a laugh track (The McCarthys).

How To Get Away With Murder

 Premiere Date: September 25

Showtime: 10pm

Network: ABC

Description: Shondra Rhimes has already created soapy versions of doctors and politicians and now turns to lawyers. Viola Davis is a criminal law professor who tells her students how to get away with murder. 

     

To Watch or Not to Watch: Hitflix is supremely unimpressed, while TVline thinks it's the new Scandal. I do not think I can get through this show without wearying myself out from eye-rolling. This is the downside of trying to watch a soapy version of law school after having actually gone to law school. This is about a basic criminal law class, taken by first year law students. First year law students know nothing. Honestly. And yet Viola Davis picks them to work at her firm? What? Usually firms won't touch you until the summer after your second year. Also? These lines? Outraged law student: "You got him to lie on the stand!"; Viola Davis: "I did my job." ETHICAL VIOLATIONS BATMAN. I know that's what people think lawyers do all the time (lie, cheat, be a bane on society). But that is NOT part of the job description, I swear. On the other hand, this will certainly be dramatic. And have great music.

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Wednesday Nights

Wednesday nights are looking pretty bleak. There's an attempt at the next Modern Family, a Glee with sick kids, a police procedural investigating mystery that cops can be moms, and and another police procedural, this one with a horror movie feel. One of these could be a breakout, but the trailers aren't too encouraging.  

Black-ish

 Premiere Date: September 24

Showtime: 9:30 pm

Network: ABC

Description: A sitcom about an African-American family - ABC's attempt at the next Modern Family.

     

To Watch or Not to Watch: Hitflix and TVline both like the adult cast and think that the show has a lot of promise. The trailer doesn't make me want to watch the show - I'm not into the pilot. But I agree that the parents in the show (Anthony Anderson and Tracee Ellis Ross) are funny and have good chemistry. Plus, Laurence Fishburne (!!) plays the grandfather. If you like family comedies, it is certainly worth checking out. But it might take a few episodes to find itself.  

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Tuesday Nights

Tuesday has the most new shows of any day of the week. There's several new comedies, an experiment in utopia, two new crime shows (including a new NCIS) and another teen superhero. 

Selfie

 Premiere Date: September 30

Showtime: 8pm

Network: ABC

Description: A very, very loose adaption of My Fair Lady with Karen Gillan as Eliza Dooley. a woman obsessed with social media until she realizes she has no real friends. She turns to John Cho as Henry Higenbottam, who reluctantly agrees to "rebrand" Eliza.

     

To Watch or Not to Watch: The pilot is already on Hulu, so you can judge for yourself. IGN likes the two leads (Gillan and Cho), but thinks the plot is a little thin and the slang is overdone. Hitflix hates the Eliza character as well as her buzzword lingo. No one is a fan of Karen Gillan's attempt at an American accent. I'm leaning towards "to watch" because I think this is a shaky premise that, like Ugly Betty could build into a beautiful show with awesome chemistry between the leads. Plus, I have a soft spot for both Karen Gillan and John Cho.

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Monday Nights

Monday nights have one my most anticipated new shows airing (Gotham). Plus a lot of other shows of which I'm much more wary. 

Scorpion

 Premiere Date: September 22

Showtime: 9pm 
 

Network: CBS

Description: A group of 20-something genius misfits aided by one "normal" waitress, work for Homeland Security. It's basically The Big Bang Theory, except with MORE! SHOUTING! and no laugh track.

     

To Watch or Not to Watch:The "first look" provided by CBS is basically a 5-minute synopsis of the first episode. It looks eye-rollingly formulaic. Then again, it could always pick up after the pilot (although I don't expect it to). I think this show will be successful in the line of an NCIS, but I'm probably out for the first half, and then will see what it looks like after the midway point. Reviewers seem to find it goofy/absurd, but entertaining.

Fall TV 2014 Previews: Sunday Nights

The new fall TV season is almost upon us. So what's worth watching? What should be skipped?  

I've read the blogs. I've watched the trailers. I've tapped into the national zeitgeist. All so that you don't have to (you're welcome). 

Each day this week I will look ahead at what new shows are coming out this season. Tonight we tackle Fall 2014's new Sunday night shows. 

Sunday nights this fall are fairly light when it comes to new shows. There's just two: Madam Secretary and Mulaney (three shows are going to air in later seasons on Sunday - Galavant [winter], CSI: Cyber [winter] and American Crime [spring]). 

Madame Secretary

 Premiere Date: September 21

Showtime: 8pm 
 

Network: CBS

Description: Tea Leoni is a tough, no-nonsense law professor who becomes Secretary of State after the first one dies in a mysterious plane crash. Because what we really need is another political conspiracy show. Tim Daly (the handsome one from Private Practice) plays Tea Leoni's husband. Zeljko Ivanek (True Blood's Magister, Revolution, Damages) is the Machiavellian Chief of Staff. The promo hilariously calls Tea Leoni "unconventional," "unpredictable," and "unstoppable." This is hilarious because this is the same language TV ads use when describing the lead on Generic Cop Show #23. So this is basically West Wing if it was a show about a hard-boiled maverick cop, with a little of Scandal's conspiracy thrown in.

     

To Watch or Not to Watch: A cautious "to watch." Early reviews are positive, but also a bit wary. HitFlix says: "nearly everything in the set-up to "Madame Secretary" is silly, from the excruciating posturing from President Keith Carradine --"You don't think outside the box. You don't even know where the box is." -- to the Vast Government Conspiracy that may or may not be afoot. [Hint -- It is. It always is.]" But it also says: "There's a potentially good show at the heart of "Madame Secretary," or there's potentially good bone structure if nothing else." TVLine enjoyed Leoni's performance and praises the cast in general but thinks the family subplot was uninteresting in the pilot and the government cover-up could elicit an eyeroll. I think I will join HitFlix in giving Madam Secretary a few episodes to try to find itself before I commit. 

 

Review: Under the Skin (2014)

Snap Judgment: If you love watching Ryan Gosling staring at things for 2 hours (Drive, Only God Forgives), but always secretly wished Ryan Gosling was a hot lady, then this movie is for you. Scarlett Johansson is an alien who lures men into her van so they can be swallowed by black goo. It's based on the book of the same name by Michael Faber, which is a thousand times better than this movie because it actually explains why Scarlett Johansson is driving around Scotland killing strange men, gives her a personality, and doesn't feel like one man's kinky drug-fueled dream of Scarlett Johansson in a 1970s  sci fi film. I am especially peeved by the ending, which just seems completely needless. The unnecessary naked ladies and lingerie-clad Scarlett Johansson was bad enough, but having a killer alien who preys on men fall victim to a violent sexual assault and be unable to do anything is just...what are you trying to say, director? It feels skeezy.

Grade: D

Final Verdict: Boring, drawn-out, and irritating. Although I did appreciate how very alien they made Scarlett Johansson (very coldly ignoring a crying, abandoned infant and showing no emotion at a good man's death). Scarlett Johansson is an champion starer - she gives Ryan Gosling a run for his money. I await: Who Will Blink First (2018) starring Ryan Gosling and Scarlett Johansson - two actors, no emotion, ONLY STARES.  

If you like this, watch: Solaris, The Signal, Lucy, 2001: A Space Odyssey

WHO WILL BLINK FIRST?!?!

Review: That Awkward Moment (2014)

Snap Judgment: That awkward moment...when you realize a crappy movie isn't going to get better. This is the story of three man-children, lead by Zac Efron, as they fail to navigate love and life. It is truly a cautionary tale about what happens when you have poor communication skills. Also what happens when you squander appealing actors with good chemistry by putting them in a movie with horrible, juvenile writing.
 
Zac Efron and his bestie Miles Teller (The Spectacular Now) spend their days designing book covers and their nights hunting girls to bang. Look, there is nothing wrong with single adult men and women who just want casual, physical relationships. But Zac Efron and Miles Teller come across less like fun, open guys and more like they were part of the 10% of college men who think it's acceptable to have sex with a girl who is incapacitated drunk.

Review: In a World (2013)

Snap Judgment: An overlooked comedy about the voice over industry. Writer/director/actress/comedic gem Lake Bell plays a young woman who dreams of breaking into the voiceover world, like her legendary father. Her father is utterly dismissive of her dream (partly because he's generally a conceited asshole, partly because he's incredibly sexist). Lake Bell is stuck in the stultifying job of vocal coaching, trying to teach stars like Eva Langoria how to do accents  (fun tip: literally putting a cork in your mouth apparently helps you sound more Cockney! not helpful from personal experience: enthusiastically, repeatedly, and drunkenly shouting  "'ELLO GOV'NA"). Lake Bell is a dream at accents, which she bolsters by (not very) sneakily recording people with interesting accents - including stalking them through the hotel lobby where her older sister works. 

Lake Bell finally gets a break into the industry, and is in the running for the voice over of the Hunger Games/Avatar mash-up, The Amazon Games, which will resurrect the famous phrase "In a world..." Family drama, romantic entanglements, and industry shenanigans ensue. 

This is the kind of small film that I really love. It's not too serious and ponderous. It doesn't have a 15 minute close-up of a flower. It's not an allegory or a metaphor. It doesn't let the message hijack the plot. It's just a small-budget story, with a focus on characters, that is funny and sweet and inspiring and emotional and tense (who will get The Amazon Games voiceover?!?!). This is the kind of movie I like to see when I'm getting worn out by blockbuster action movies and super hero films and bigger budget comedies. This is the kind of movie that you don't hear much about when it's in theaters, but it is worth finding it on DVD.  

Grade: A-

Final Verdict: When you feel like watching a comedy with a side of tension, drama, or romance, then watch this. Bonus: it will inspire you to try to add the phrase "In a world..." to everyday events.

If you like this, watch: Celeste and Jesse Forever, (500) Days of Summer, Safety Not Guaranteed, Drinking Buddies, Ruby Sparks, Jeff, Who Lives at Home

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Snap Judgment: Millenial cheekiness with a 70s aesthetic. Or, to put it another way, a modern movie very consciously dressed in classic sci fi movie clothing. 

The very best part of the movie was the Guardian gang. Like in Friends, the characters are compelling in and of themselves, but their chemistry and interactions are what sell it. There's Peter Quill, a good-natured thief/smuggler who's trying to make his nickname Star-Lord a thing. He's played by Chris Pratt (Andy on Parks & Rec), such a naturally endearing goofball that the movie could be about him sitting around playing Pac-Man, and I would still root for him. There's Gamora (Zoe Saldana), a green-skinned assassin who's the adopted daughter of the Big Bad. She's a standard Action Girl and sadly the weak link of the group. She's only a badass when the plot calls for it, and is otherwise a typical love interest role and not even as funny as the other characters. When Peter Quill is about to be killed by the smuggler group he betrayed, she's being held back by two smugglers and struggles ineffectually while protesting Peter Quill's imminent death. YOU ARE A STONE-COLD KILLING MACHINE RAISED TO BE THE PERSONAL ASSASSIN OF THE MAN WHO SLAUGHTERED YOUR FAMILY - PLEASE ACT LIKE IT. If the plot had called for it, Gamora could've taken out the entire smuggling band with some waif-fu. But it did not, so she she played the typical Love Interest Watching The Hero In Peril role. Sad.

Groot, the tree-like humanoid, was gentle and sweet and instantly loveable. I did not know it was possible to feel so many feels for a tree whose only words are "I am Groot." Groot is the muscle for Rocket, the short-tempered and violent genetically modified raccoon. Rocket's childlike bloodthirstiness and sick sense of humor provide some laughs. Rounding out the group is Drax, a warrior seeking vengeance for the death of his wife and child. He more than a little reminds me of the warrior potato species in Doctor Who. His people are entirely literal, which leads to my favorite exchange in the movie - 

Rocket: Metaphors go right over his head.
Drax: Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are excellent and I would catch it. 

The delivery is spot-on. I was surprised that Drax is played by a professional wrestler - not someone I would usually think has excellent comic timing. 

So the Guardians group was fantastic, and their interactions made the movie sing. They even made it worth it to sit through all the ridiculousness that this film had to offer. It embraces its 70s sci fi cheesiness full on and I just had to shut my brain off when it came to talk about blah blah blah alien peace treaties and blah blah blah the Kree hate the Xandarians for some reason and blah blah blah sci fi babble and holy what the, the bad guy's ship is powered on necromancy?!?!? (best worst line in the movie: "Necropilots, enact immolation protocol!") And the Bad Guy (but NOT the Big Bad, who is a villain saved for a sequel) is a one-note villain, who seeks the MacGuffin (in this case, an Infinity Stone) to destroy a planet that pissed him off for some reason. Not the world's most original plot. 

Grade: B+

Final Verdict: The Guardians themselves are a delightful collection of misfits, and I could watch a whole series about them. The Bad Guy and the sci fi world were both weak and ill-defined. I want this to be a TV show and not a movie franchise - this could be absolutely brilliant if properly fleshed-out. As it is, Guardians is an enjoyable movie with a rockin' soundtrack of 60s and 70s hits.  

If you like this, watch: Avengers, Star Wars, Galaxy Quest, The Fifth Element, Serenity

Review: Lucy (2014)

Snap Judgment: A passionate, fumbling love affair between a Hollywood action blockbuster and a European arthouse flick. It's that couple at a party that clearly can't get enough of each other, but makes most of the other guests feel awkward and inclined to sidle out of the room. How you feel about the first 10 minutes of this movie is a good indication of what you will think of it overall. Scarlett Johansson (Lucy) is coerced/tricked by her new boyfriend into being an unwitting drug mule when he snaps a handcuff briefcase to her wrist. The film intercuts the scene of her entering the hotel to deliver the briefcase with flashes of cheetahs stalking gazelles. When the drug lord's thugs surround her and whisk her upstairs, the cheetahs catch a gazelle and drag its dead body away to devour. OMG, you guys, do you, like, think that Lucy is, like, the gazelle or something? And the thugs are, like, lumbering, muscly cheetahs? 

Some will think this cinematic device is clever and deep. They will love this movie. Others will think that this is a film student's eye-rollingly overdone attempt to be clever and deep. Like me, they will ultimately be disappointed by this movie. 

Built on the clearly debunked urban legend that humans only use 10% of their brain, the drug Lucy is muling gets into her system and lets her use more and more of her brain capacity. This instantly makes her emotions alien but also gives her awesome super powers (She can move things with her mind! She can knock people out with her mind! She can scroll through data! She can time travel (?!?)! She can change her hair color at will!)  and the awkward ability to remember breastfeeding as an infant. 

Review: The Lego Movie (2014)

Snap Judgment: While not quite as awesome as its earworm of a song (everything is AWESOME! everything is great when you're part of a team...), this is still a fun movie. Plus, if I had to choose between showing this and Frozen to my imaginary children, I would choose The Lego Movie any day of the week. The Lego Movie teaches kids that everyone has the ability to step up and be a hero. Meanwhile Frozen teaches kids that you shouldn't become a shut-in (especially when you're the heir to the kingdom and bursting with magic), because otherwise when you finally do emerge, your social anxiety will be so bad that one embarrassing faux pas will send you running up a frozen mountain with no food to sing a power ballad about how great your life is now that you're a true hermit. 

The humor in the Lego Movie is a lot like that in 22 Jump Street, except with fewer alcohol and sex jokes (fun fact: Channing Tatum is the voice of Superman here, with Jonah Hill his aspiring bromantic partner as Green Lantern). That means there's a lot of meta-humor and playing with established tropes, especially that of the Chosen One. Chris Pratt (Andy from Parks & Rec) is always endearing, even when he is just a voice for a yellow plastic figure. He voices Emmett, a regular Joe so average that none of his coworkers even remember him. But he's smart and caring and imaginative and kind, so even though he's not a badass like action girl Wildstyle or the egotistical Batman, he's the clear hero of the movie. 

If you come at this with no expectations, which I'm sure the critics did in February (it's a movie based on toys and it came out in the dead season of winter), then it's going to be incredible. If you take the 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes to believe that it's the next Wall-E, you're going to be slightly disappointed. It's a fun, silly movie. Don't go in expecting more. 

Grade: B+

Final Verdict: Take this for what it is - a tongue-in-cheek movie for kids based on some of their favorite toys. It's appealing, amusing, and contains some positive messages. And expect to find yourself singing everything is AWESOME for the next few weeks. 

If you like this, watch: Wreck-It Ralph, Shrek

Review: Vampire Academy (2014)

Snap Judgment: This movie is Gossip Girl mixed with Buffy. The fact that it got a 10% average rating from reviewers and a 62% average rating from the audience indicates that it is not a terrible movie, but it is not a movie that middle-aged men would enjoy. I mean, did you read that title? It was destined to be critically hated (read: hated by older men).

This movie is based on a series of books that I admit to have read, initially because I was bored and they were popular. The book series turned out to be surprisingly funny and fun (until the last two, which were a couple of hot messes). The plot premise sounds ridiculous, so bear with me. There are two types of vampires: Moroi (the good, magical vampires) and Strigoi (the evil, Dracula-like vampires). The good vampires are protected by the Dhampir (half-human, half-vampire guardians), and as teenagers go to a vampire boarding school. The book centers on a sarcastic Dhampir guardian and her friendship with a Moroi vampire princess. I know, I know, it sounds so inane, but author Richelle Mead somehow made it work. And I’m not going to feel bad about liking it. Look, people unabashedly read Twilight fanfiction about a hot rich dude who falls in love with the innocent young lady he has a bondage contract with (50 Shades) and a thriller about a bland professor who searches for the Holy Grail with a hot lady while being chased by an evil albino (Da Vinci Code). So I'm going to enjoy my books about teenage vampires at boarding school and not be ashamed.  

Review: Grand Piano (2014)

Snap Judgment: Characterized as Speed at the piano or Die Hard at a concert hall. It's not quite the high-octane blockbusters that those imply, but this is an exciting, entertaining movie nonetheless. Elijah Wood has the giant eyes of a perpetually startled chipmunk, so he looks appropriately anxious/terrified/surprised at all times. Elijah is a famous pianist with a terrible case of stage fright. At his last performance five years ago, he froze while playing his dead mentor's nearly impossible-to-play piece, "La Cinquette." For this performance, Elijah has shipped in his mentor's own piano. A mentor who was fabulously wealthy and whose fortune was never found. This film has set up an obvious collection of Chekov's guns, and they all go off at once. Elijah finds "Play one wrong note and you die" written in red on his sheet music. He quickly finds out that this is not a joke, and John Cusack is dead serious about it. For a man who is SO insistent that Elijah Wood not play any wrong notes, John Cusack sure chats a lot. Maybe you should try being silently menacing next time, okay John? Instead of always yelling I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR WIFE PLAY PERFECTLY OR BAM!! It cannot be helping Elijah's concentration. 

Grade: B+

Final Judgment: Nicely tense, nicely brief (only 1 1/2 hours!), and with suspenseful classical music built into its premise, this was a surprisingly worthwhile movie.

If you like this, watch: Hitchcock's oeuvre, Speed     

News: Community Season 6 Coming to Yahoo

Yes, despite the fact that so far I've only done movie reviews, this was originally designed to be a movie/TV blog. 

So here's pretty-late breaking TV news: Community, after being axed this season, was saved by Yahoo. I am not sure how I feel about this. While Community is generally clever and funny, Season 4 made me think that the show's quality was flickering and it was ready to move on to the Big Channel in the Sky. I'm watching Season 5 now and you can see the difference that Dan Harmon as showrunner makes (due to disputes, he was out for Season 4). The show came back in fighting form, and Season 5's third episode (Basic Intergluteal Numismatics) is one of the highlights of the entire show, spoofing moody crime dramas like The Killing. 

Review: Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Snap Judgment: A smart, engaging sci fi movie that is well worth your time. Even if you're wary of Tom Cruise (especially after the snore-fest of Oblivion), you should see it. Tom Cruise plays a slick, slimy, selfish ex-ad exec who is forcibly sent to the front lines in a D-Day invasion against an alien force that has taken over continental Europe. He quickly dies. Then he wakes up the day before the battle, and repeats the invasion and his death Groundhogs Day style. He eventually teams up with Emily Blunt, a supersoldier known as the Angel of Verdun (or more derogatively, the Full Metal Bitch). Based on the Japanese light novel All You Need Is Kill, this film is right up there with Pacific Rim for a great sci fi action film. The premise of death and rebirths is cleverly done, and the writers made sure it never got too repetitive. Sometimes, it is clear that Cruise has relived this timeline of events over and over, and we only see him once he’s gotten it down. Sometimes, it looks like he is on a fresh path until he takes an action that shows he’s been down this road before. It is also funny in parts, and a sense of humor is so refreshing after Christopher Nolan has made the dark and dreary action movie fashionable. And for a movie in which the main character can revive video game style, it is surprisingly tense. The climax of the movie – the final final battle, where everything is on the line and there are no more chances – had my heart in a death grip, and the only thing that kept it from exploding was the knowledge that Hollywood blockbusters just won’t end with the aliens winning (I hoped). 

It was fun watching Tom Cruise morph through his entire acting range – from smarmily charming to stone cold badass. The no-bullshit, war-loving Master Sergeant Farrell ("Battle is the great redeemer. It is the fiery crucible in which the only true heroes are forged.") was a nice example of a minor character infused with so much personality that he became vibrant. But special shoutout in this movie goes to Emily Blunt (both the actress and her character). I cannot tell you how incredibly refreshing it is to see a female lead who is not only never treated as eye candy, but also plays the role of mentor and comrade-in-arms. Emily Blunt is Tom Cruise’s equal in every way – and she’s a better fighter than him until he’s fought and died often enough. She’s tough, calm, and efficient and has seen so much death that it doesn’t scare her – she’s only worried about the mission failing. She doesn’t cry, she doesn’t scream – she’s exhausted beyond all feeling, but she handles herself and does what needs to be done. You could exchange her for a male actor, and 99% of her character and the movie would be the same (and, really, this kind of character is bread-and-butter for Liam Neeson, Bruce Willis, Jeremy Renner, and Matt Damon). So impressive, and Emily Blunt plays it perfectly.

Grade: A+

Final Judgment: Smart, darkly funny, thrilling, and with stellar performances - everything you could want in your action film.

If you like this, watch: Pacific Rim, Looper, The Matrix, Inception

Review: The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Snap Judgment: What is with Spider Man movies being overstuffed with villains? Did nobody learn anything from the accidental comedy that was Spider Man 3? This movie had one, two, THREE supervillains - as if the movie did not trust itself to be exciting enough with just a single villain.

 First there’s Electro, played by Jamie Foxx, who as a human was a sad-sack Spiderman super fan, but as a superpowered individual inexplicably becomes evil and hates Spiderman (isn’t it more likely that he’d want to be Spiderman’s super buddy? He doesn’t even try that). Electro develops his powers because apparently all Oscorp creations have a taste for human flesh (Parker’s spider, really, really angry electric eels, etc.).  But mostly because everyone at OsCorp leaves at 5pm on the dot and maintenance refuses to do its fucking job, even when there’s sparking electrical wires in a critical lab. I guess when your company is managed by a dynasty of evil goblins, there’s no real incentive to be a good employee. Speaking of evil goblins, Harry Osborne shows up to be villain number 2, Green Goblin. With his ashy blond floppy comb-over, pallid skin, skinny frame, and the ice blue eyes of a Siberian husky, this incarnation of Harry Osborn looks like a cross between a Hitler Youth and the lead singer in a 90s emo band. This is hilariously played out in his clothing choices. He first appears in a 1930s wool vest, a crisp white shirt and a tie pin (read: I’m a sad little rich boy). Then later when he starts angrily moping about his deadly goblin illness, he puts on a tight black shirt and leather jacket (read: I’m in pain and the world just doesn’t understand meeeeeee). The third supervillain is Rhino, who thank God is only on briefly to give Spiderman back some vim and vigor. But by that time it was 2 ½ hours in and I just wanted to be done. Three supervillains are two too many.      

Guilty Pleasure: Obscure Romantic Comedies

Sometimes I'm on IMDB, idly scrolling through actors I spot in whatever I'm watching (who's that girl? where have I seen her before?) or checking up on what likable actors/actresses are up to. And I come across sweet little gems that I bet these folks wish they could wipe from their resumes. Movies like The Decoy Bride and Chalet Girl. These sound pretty much like an ABC Family or Oxygen made-for-TV movie that stars Mario Lopez or Dean Cain. But they are actual films! That were in actual movie theaters!  And, bonus, they star actors I know and like from other things! The 10th Doctor (David Tennant)! Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl)!

According to Wikipedia, the plot of The Decoy Bride is about the 10th Doctor being engaged to Kirk's love interest from the second Star Trek movie, who is apparently one of the most famous film stars around.  Who is apparently too famous to attend her own wedding (I bet Kim Kardashian wishes the same could be said about her!). So they hire a local girl to pretend to be her (how does that even work? does she get plastic surgery to be more convincing? wouldn't everyone notice they don't look the same?). I bet all my money and my future children that the 10th Doctor falls in love with the decoy! Shenanigans! Because nothing says good husband material like a man leaving his fiance for her stand-in! 

And Chalet Girl is about a former snowboarding champion in mourning who agrees to be a chalet girl (what?) working in the Alps for rich clients. Which puts her in the path of posh rich boy Ed Westwick (typecasting!). He has a girlfriend already, the woes! Can they find true love together anyway? Will she regain the heart to snowboard again, which she gave up after her mother died? I'M ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT YOU GUYS. 

I have yet to see these gloriously ridiculous masterpieces, but my local library has both of them. I will never understand the thinking that goes into acquisitions at this library, because they don't have Revenge or The New Girl or 90% of the other TV shows I want, but they have copies of The Decoy Bride and Chalet Girl. Maybe they purchase from garage sales? Whatever the case, I'm glad they have these films on hand.

22 Jump Street Soundtrack

 

The soundtrack pumped up every scene it was in and made me want to download some of the songs after I left the theater. So basically, it did exactly what it was supposed to. It’s full of electronic dance music by Wiz Khalifa, Tiesto, and Diplo. Like the movie, this collection of songs is fun, upbeat, and exuberant as a drunken puppy. I imagine many of these songs are going to roar at full volume from frats across the country on game days. Put them on your Spotify list next time you want to feel fierce while getting ready to go out, or get people moving at your party, or encourage a game of beer pong.

1. Work Hard, Play Hard – Wiz Khalifa 
2. NRG (Skrillex, Kill The Noise, Milo & Otis Remix) – Duck Sauce 
3. Get Up (Rattle) – Bingo Players (feat. Far East Movement) 
4. Wasted – Tiësto (feat. Matthew Koma) 
5. Can’t You See – Shermanology 
6. Models And Bottles – Blind Scuba Divers 
7. Check My Steezo – Blind Scuba Divers
8. TTU (Too Turnt Up) – Flosstradamus (feat. Waka Flocka Flame)
9. I Own It – Nacey (feat. Angel Haze) 
10. Express Yourself – Diplo (feat. Nicky Da B) 
11. Freak – Deorro (feat. Steve Bays) 
12. 22 Jump Street (Theme From The Motion Picture) – Angel Haze (feat. Ludacris) 
13. Live Forever – Travis Barker (feat. Juicy J)

 

Review: 22 Jump Street (2014)

Snap Judgment: If you loved 21 Jump Street, then just go ahead and buy your ticket to this movie now. The very best thing about this franchise is that it never takes itself too seriously. It’s ridiculous and knows it, and is too busy having fun to care. The movie is full of meta-humor and self-aware jokes at its own expense, and gives you a grinning wink to let you know you’re in on the joke, too. Even the end-credits were a sly send-up of sequels. The second best thing about this franchise is Channing Tatum’s and Jonah Hill’s chemistry (although Channing Tatum has chemistry with all his buddy movie co-stars, and often with inanimate objects as well). It was manic and zany, and while there were points where a joke was a dud or a repeated joke had gotten a little thin and worn, it wasn’t long until the movie gleefully swept you on to the next bit. Most often it was hilarious, and there were points when I was laughing so hard that Z thought I had stopped breathing. This was fun, fun, fun, which is exactly what I want out of a summer movie.    

Grade: A

Final Verdict: Fun good-natured action flick.

If you like this, try: This Is The End, White House Down  

Review: Carrie (2013)

Snap Judgment: Because I’m cinematically illiterate, I haven’t seen the original Carrie. But I did grow up in 20^th century America, so I know what happened (telekinetic loner girl, mean students, pig’s blood, prom massacre). Standing on its own, this movie is slow and a bit boring – with lots of gore thrown in during the last third. Also, I couldn’t stop noticing how good Carrie’s hair looked for a social outcast who’s mom was a religious nut that thought any appearance enhancements are the sign of the devil. I think they were going for “messy” but any girl who has spent any time on her hair will tell you that the precisely unkempt curls that Carrie sports take forethought and time. It’s designed to look natural (I’m low maintenance and down-to-earth! But hot!) but hair just doesn’t do that on its own. And her hair looked better as the movie progressed – until she sported perfect, Hollywood waves at prom (I have my doubts that the White household owns an iron or curler). I might not have spent so much time thinking about the improbably glossy perfection of Carrie’s hair if I’d been more entertained by the movie. It was dark and grim and brooding. I did think Judy Greer did an excellent job as an honorable, no-bullshit gym teacher who stands up for Carrie.

Grade: B

Final Verdict: Gory and brooding – it was an alright horror flick, but probably an unnecessary remake.

If you like this, try: Another horror film (I don’t watch enough to make a knowledgeable recommendation).        

Review: Trance (2013)

Snap Judgment: The first 10 minutes of this made it look like an art heist caper, along the lines of Ocean’s 11 or Now You See Me. It’s not. It’s a psychological clusterfuck that doesn’t so much leave you questioning reality, as it does leave you questioning why the hell you just wasted nearly two hours on this junk. James McAvoy (aka Professor X) is a seemingly charming art auctioneer who is actually violently psychotic. Rosario Dawson is a hypnotherapist who takes the fact that her new client is mixed up with a bad crowd just a little too well to not draw suspicion. She is also either weeping silently or being coolly enigmatic and her motivations are muddled at best. The film is slow and gory and confusing. The shaving of lady parts is an actual plot point. Everyone tries to be clever but comes out looking pretty dumb. And everyone I watched it with hated it.

Rating: F

Final Verdict: No, no, God no. It delivers nothing but a grinding headache.

Instead, watch: Oceans 11, A Fish Called Wanda, Now You See Me if you want a heist/caper film. Side Effects if you want a moody psychological thriller. Or just re-watch Inception if you want a moody psychological thriller heist film.   

Character Study: Monsieur Gustave (The Grand Budapest Hotel)

 

Monsieur Gustave is the clear star of Wes Anderon’s latest quirky creation, The Grand Budapest Hotel. He is a fascinating modern cinematic hero, made even more intriguing because he is not a typical leading man. He does not swagger across the screen, or manfully clench his jaw or throw out sarcastic quips. He is not a dorky boy waiting to level up in badass to get the girl and save the world, nor is he a man-child refusing to grow up, nor is he a coldly logical intellectual stoic, nor is he an all-American manly man. Instead, he has manners so genteel that they could be considered effete. He is a caricature of a 19^th-century gentleman played straight. 

Monsieur Gustave is the supremely effective concierge of the Grand Budapest Hotel in 1932, when the main action of the film takes place. He has a signature scent (eau de panache), is scrupulously attired in a purple suit, and recites poetry whenever the mood takes him (even when his audience has more pressing concerns). He is polite, gentle, kind, generous, fastidious, witty, warm, tactful, charming, and meticulous. 

Review: The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Snap Judgment: A very Wes Anderson-y Wes Anderson film. An intricately constructed darkly comic madcap caper, it is beautifully stylized and awash in cupcake colors. Constructed like a Russian nesting doll, the main story is about bellboy Zero Mustafa and his mentor, the charming and meticulous concierge Monsieur Gustave (deliciously played by Ralph Fiennes). There's a disputed will that leads to hijinks and mayhem and death. Actors from past Wes Anderson films pop in and out (you could almost play bingo, or a drinking game, to it). I didn't love it, but suspect I would like it more on a second viewing (the pacing kept throwing me off - the quirkiness made it seem like it was supposed to be light-hearted, but the suspense made me ill-at-ease and unable to relax during the more comic moments - death was actually on the line for these characters!). But if nothing else, it was fantastic because Monsieur Gustave is one of the best characters on screen this year.     

Rating: A-

Final Verdict: Whatever you feel towards a Wes Anderson film x1000.

If you like this, try: Any Wes Anderson film.