Review: Vampire Academy (2014)

Snap Judgment: This movie is Gossip Girl mixed with Buffy. The fact that it got a 10% average rating from reviewers and a 62% average rating from the audience indicates that it is not a terrible movie, but it is not a movie that middle-aged men would enjoy. I mean, did you read that title? It was destined to be critically hated (read: hated by older men).

This movie is based on a series of books that I admit to have read, initially because I was bored and they were popular. The book series turned out to be surprisingly funny and fun (until the last two, which were a couple of hot messes). The plot premise sounds ridiculous, so bear with me. There are two types of vampires: Moroi (the good, magical vampires) and Strigoi (the evil, Dracula-like vampires). The good vampires are protected by the Dhampir (half-human, half-vampire guardians), and as teenagers go to a vampire boarding school. The book centers on a sarcastic Dhampir guardian and her friendship with a Moroi vampire princess. I know, I know, it sounds so inane, but author Richelle Mead somehow made it work. And I’m not going to feel bad about liking it. Look, people unabashedly read Twilight fanfiction about a hot rich dude who falls in love with the innocent young lady he has a bondage contract with (50 Shades) and a thriller about a bland professor who searches for the Holy Grail with a hot lady while being chased by an evil albino (Da Vinci Code). So I'm going to enjoy my books about teenage vampires at boarding school and not be ashamed.  

If you have a (not-so-secret) love for high school dramas, or are a preteen or teenage girl, this is a pretty fun movie. Not a great movie by any means. Especially the second half, where the movie actually tries to cram in a plot and a resolution and gets pelted with all the balls it was attempting to juggle. But the first half has some delicious high school drama (Queen B returning to school and reclaiming her position! Current Queen B fighting back! Boys spreading mean rumors! Cruel pranks! Crushes!). The friendship between the guardian and her vampire princess charge is touching (I'm a sucker for strong friendships in movies). And Zoey Deutch does a solid job in her lead role as the tough and sarcastic - but still very teenage - guardian. She deals her quips quick and snarky (even the lame ones). 

Grade: B-

Final Verdict: I wouldn't recommend this per se, but I wouldn't not recommend it. That is to say, this will likely be a hit with the One Direction crowd (or whatever cherub-faced boy band is hot these days), and if you're a fan of high school dramas in any form (books, manga, TV), then add it to your Netflix queue for the next time you feel like something fun and soapy but brainless. It is far better than other recent paranormal teen films (Twilight, Mortal Instruments). But if the premise makes you want to die a little, then skip it for sure. 

If you like this, watch: You're probably better off with TV shows here - Buffy, Teen Wolf, Vampire Knight, The Vampire Diaries.