Review: Under the Skin (2014)

Snap Judgment: If you love watching Ryan Gosling staring at things for 2 hours (Drive, Only God Forgives), but always secretly wished Ryan Gosling was a hot lady, then this movie is for you. Scarlett Johansson is an alien who lures men into her van so they can be swallowed by black goo. It's based on the book of the same name by Michael Faber, which is a thousand times better than this movie because it actually explains why Scarlett Johansson is driving around Scotland killing strange men, gives her a personality, and doesn't feel like one man's kinky drug-fueled dream of Scarlett Johansson in a 1970s  sci fi film. I am especially peeved by the ending, which just seems completely needless. The unnecessary naked ladies and lingerie-clad Scarlett Johansson was bad enough, but having a killer alien who preys on men fall victim to a violent sexual assault and be unable to do anything is just...what are you trying to say, director? It feels skeezy.

Grade: D

Final Verdict: Boring, drawn-out, and irritating. Although I did appreciate how very alien they made Scarlett Johansson (very coldly ignoring a crying, abandoned infant and showing no emotion at a good man's death). Scarlett Johansson is an champion starer - she gives Ryan Gosling a run for his money. I await: Who Will Blink First (2018) starring Ryan Gosling and Scarlett Johansson - two actors, no emotion, ONLY STARES.  

If you like this, watch: Solaris, The Signal, Lucy, 2001: A Space Odyssey

WHO WILL BLINK FIRST?!?!