Review: The Judge (2014)

Summary Judgment: I was surprised to read that this overwrought mess did not come from some schmaltzy mass market paperback. 

Robert Downey Jr. is a smarmy megarich defense attorney whose one claim to humanity is his relationship with his adorable daughter. He's pulled back to the All-American hometown he never wanted to return to for his mother's funeral. Why he has never once visited his mother in the 20-odd years since he left home (and never allowed her to see her granddaughter!) is unexplained, except that Robert Downey, Jr. will happily do anything to give the finger to his stern, strict dad, Robert Duvall (the titular Judge). Just as Robert Downey, Jr. is about to leave, after burning every bridge he can and hooking up with the teenage daughter of his ex-flame, he finds out that his father has been accused of homicide in a hit-and-run. So, of course, this brilliant defense attorney has to try the biggest case of his life - defending his estranged father. Da da DUM. 

It's terrible. Everyone is terrible. I didn't want Robert Downey, Jr. to get his redemptive arc because I never thought he deserved it. He has spent his life being self-involved, smug, and careless, all because of Daddy issues. At any time he could have grown up and realized that just because he was raised by an old-school grump it doesn't give him a license to treat everyone else as disposable. He didn't. And the film doesn't even bother to address half his character flaws, because it thinks it's enough for him to resolve his issues with his aging Dad. It's not. He's still a pretty awful brother and general human being. Does no one else care that if Robert Downey, Jr. sincerely gets back together with his ex-girlfriend (the requisite love interest in a film that surely didn't need a love interest), then he will be the step-father of the girl he hooked up with and who is still actively flirting with him? Is that not creepy to anyone else? Or the fact that this girl is related to him? Does it not bother his ex-girlfriend that he groped her daughter, who clearly has her own Daddy issues? No? Whatever, film. 

Grade: B -

Final Verdict: A throw-back to '90s melodrama, it's a mawkish mess. Robert Downey, Jr. and Robert Duvall give strong performances as two stubborn, unpleasant men who butt heads but are tied together by blood. But that's enough to make the movie compelling.

If You Like This, Watch: The Rainmaker, The Pelican Brief, The Lincoln Lawyer, Nebraska, This Is Where I Leave You, August: Osage County, Big Fish, Jerry Maguire

Review: Only Lovers Left Alive

Snap Judgment: A strange new take on the vampire love story. Tilda Swinton (Eve) is a bibliophile who embraces life and its little joys and loves, soaking her senses in Tangier and hanging out with Christopher Marlow. Tom Hiddleston (Adam) is a morose, brooding, Lord Byron/Hamlet who spends his days moping and playing music in a cluttered Detroit Victorian. Adam and Eve are centuries-old vampiric lovers who have unending love and affection for each other, without the destructive, suffocating love of most recent vampire tales (*cough*Twilight*cough*). Eve arrives in Detroit when she senses that Adam's brooding is becoming more despondent than usual. Then Eve's irresponsible, childish, impulsive, little sister Mia Wasikowska (Ava) flits into Detroit, sensing an opportunity to freeload. Events start spiraling from there.

Only Lovers Left Alive is a languid film. It's more a character piece than anything else, content to observe two mature lovers who are comfortable with their relationship and comfortable enough with each other's bodies that they cuddle together like puppies. They are opposites attracted, who have settled into each other and worn away all the sharp edges. It's a beautiful, touching romance and frankly nothing like I've seen in cinema, where the drama tends to be in the form of the romantic partners sparring/fighting/hurting/betraying. 

Adam and Eve's pasts are left largely uncharted. We know they had a third wedding sometime in the late 19th century, that Eve is besties with Christopher Marlowe, that Adam hung out with Lord Byron, and that Adam has given his music to famous artists. That's about it. It's also not clear if Ava is Eve's biological little sister or some vampire sire little sister. There's little explored about vampires, except that they do drink blood and go out at night. As much as I want more (I would watch a TV show of Adam and Eve lounging around for 5 seasons), Adam and Eve's past and this movie's vampire mythology are so beside the point of the film, that it doesn't feel like anything is missing. It doesn't matter, really, how Adam and Eve got to where they are. The focus is on this little slice of their very, very long lives.  

Grade: B+

Final Verdict: A slow, beautiful character study of centuries-old lovers who happen to be vampires. 

If You Like This, Watch: The Double, Let the Right One In, Snowpiercer

Review: Nightcrawler (2014)

Snap Judgment: Creepy. Creepy, creepy, creepy, gross. I wanted to climb in the shower and wash away the slime afterwards.

Jake Gyllenhaal is a sociopath who finds his perfect line of work: being a nightcrawler - the cameraman who rushes to the scene of accidents and murders, to film the carnage for our viewing pleasure. Jake Gyllenhaal acts the hell out this thing and plays an antisocial slimeball really convincingly. Gyllenhaal's character comes across as an animal who has climbed into a human body. He doesn't interact or respond like a well-socialized person - he is an empty core who has filled himself with self-help jargon in an effort to mimic human behavior. It's eerie to watch someone who, instead of responding naturally, spews out the lines of a slick motivational speaker: My motto is if you want to win the lottery you've got to make money to get a ticket. The only time that he comes across as authentic is when he's threatening someone else. It is only then that the mask gets pulled off and you are able to witness the abyss beneath. 

At one point, after being accused of not understanding people, he responds: What if my problem wasn't that I don't understand people but that I don't like them? I think it's both. He thinks he understands people, because he has worked out the basic mechanics. It's learning to play a score without ever feeling the music. Every interaction he has, you can see the gears shifting in his head - putting the behavioral cues into his algorithm to have it spit out a basic solution. But he can never truly understand people, because he lacks empathy.

This movie is twisted and dark, and it doesn't let up. The director has no interest in the typical Hollywood beats or the Hollywood ending. Be prepared to feel a little gross afterwards. 

Grade: B

Final Verdict: Compelling performance from Jake Gyllenhaal of a truly disgusting individual. It's a well-made film, but I can't say I enjoyed watching it. 

If You Like This, Watch: Funny Games, Reservoir Dogs, The Loft, Training Day, No Country for Old Men

Review: Birdman (2014)

Snap Judgment: Birdman is a strange beast. Michael Keaton is a washed-up blockbuster star of the superhero Birdman franchise who is trying to stay relevant and gain respect by writing/directing/starring in a Broadway adaptation of Raymond Carver's "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." Edward Norton is a self-involved method actor who uses his method acting to engage in whatever behavior he wants. He's essentially an addict - a brilliant but damaged addict - and his drug of choice is the performance high of acting. Naomi Watts is criminally underused as a Broadway starlet who desperately craves approval - from the audience, from the director, from men. She comes across as much sweeter than Michael Keaton and Edward Norton, but just as broken and sad. 

Adding to the weirdness of the film is that Michael Keaton is having delusions (or is he?). He is tormented by the voice of Birdman, while having Birdman's powers (telekinesis and flight). The film doesn't care to tell you what's real and what's not - it's up to you to decide.

This film is definitely not going to be for everyone, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Keaton, Norton, and Watts all pulled off brilliant performances (Emma Stone is here too as Keaton's recovering addict daughter, but I found her much less impressive). And it was funnier than I thought it would be. The continuous shot technique (there are no cuts between scenes) keeps everything moving, and gives it the sense of a play. 

Grade: A-

Final Verdict: Weird, fascinating, stellar performances. And refreshingly not the same formulaic Hollywood movie.    

If You Like This, Watch: Sunset Boulevard, Danny Collins, Black Swan,Begin Again, Whiplash, Up in the Air, Her

Review: Whiplash (2014)

Snap Judgment: The unlikely love story between two fiercely focused people. Really, this is like the SUPER INTENSE version of a romantic comedy (they're so wrong for each other that they are right! they complete each other!). Or maybe just Mr. Holland's Opus on steroids.

Miles Teller is a first-year student at a prestigious music college. He doesn't really have friends or know how to interact with people.  But he doesn't care about things like friends. He's driven and ambitious, and the only thing he truly cares about is being one of the great jazz drummer. About being famous. Sacrificing everything else is worth it. 

J.K. Simmons is an abusive, emotionally manipulative conductor.  He doesn't care who he hurts or how, because everyone who cracks was never worth his time anyway. He's looking for a diamond and he will put massive pressure on every lump of coal he finds until he gets one.

Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons are miserable, unlikeable people who find their equals in each other. Miles Teller is a jazz drummer who will play until he bleeds, then keep playing. J.K. Simmons will break down everyone to see who won't give up despite the damage. Together they could create the best jazz drummer the world has ever known. They are destructive, mad, and brilliant, and it is impossible to look away from them. In a way, it's a similar love story to the one in Gone Girl. They are better with each other than alone, even if they will claw each other apart.

So I'm not a jazz fan. Maybe I'm not the right audience for this movie. Because I spent an incredible amount of time wondering WHY so much blood, sweat, and tears were being poured into a dying art. It felt like it was the same stakes as a movie about trying to become/make THE BEST SHEEP SHEARER. Yes, people still shear sheep.  But you're not going to become famous forever for doing it. If you're worried about your legacy, if your entire drive is to have the world remember your name, why jazz drumming?  I don't care how hard Miles Teller works or how far he's pushed because he's never going to be the next Charlie Parker because it's not the 1950s. 

Grade: A-

Final Verdict: Intense (really, I can't think of another word for it) acting and an intense film. It's completely messed up but as sickly fascinating as a car wreck to watch.  

If You Like This, Watch: Notes on a Scandal, Birdman, Black Swan, Foxcatcher, Gone Girl, Full Metal Jacket

I don't usually do this, but I'm going to throw in some character-explaining quotes. Because the dialogue in this film says exactly what you need to know to understand these guys.

Review: Interstellar (2014)

Snap Judgment: Interstellar got such terrible word-of-mouth reviews from my friends, that I avoided seeing it in theaters. I didn't even go when it reached the second-run theater. And the second-run theater has beer that helps dull the pain of slogging through an unbearable movie.

In retrospect, I wish I had seen it in theaters. Instellar - while no Inception - was far better than my low, low expectations. Except for the last 20 minutes, which was a headache and a half. Save your five dimensions for someone who cares, Nolan. Wait, is the 5th dimension love? It's love isn't it? I'm pretty sure Anne Hathaway says that the 5th dimension is love. I'm not sure if that makes the movie more or less sensical.

Review: Wild (2014)

Snap Judgment: Z, who was born in Alaska and therefore has the wilderness survival skills of a Navy SEAL, was horrified by Reese Witherspoon's complete lack of preparation. He watched the scene of her putting on a backpack so big that she fell over like he was watching a slasher flick where the heroine runs up the stairs when the bad guy chases her. 

Reese Witherspoon stars as Cheryl Strayed: a young woman who burned her entire life to the ground and salted the ashes when her mother died. Her mother was her center, her strength, the one person who made her believe in herself. And without her, she was lost. 

With an addict's impulsiveness and recklessness, Strayed decides to walk the Pacific Crest Trail. No training. No knowledge. No preparation. Just maxing out a credit card at REI and putting one foot in front of the other. 

Strayed definitely gets special treatment for being a (pretty) lady alone on the trail. She also has to handle creeps who act like they're one bad thought away from raping her. 

Strayed's story shows why you should hike with a buddy. Better people than Strayed have died in the wilderness because they were equally unprepared and reckless. Nature is ruthless. Strayed didn't survive through grit alone: she survived mostly through luck (and the kindness of strangers).

The movie is the kind that sneaks up on you. I thought I was above the heartstring tugging of the film, but then I lost it when the credits rolled and I was hit with the aching melancholy of Simon & Garfunkel's "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)."

I do hope that this isn't the next Eat, Pray, Love and inspires a hoard of young women to wander unprepared and alone into nature to find themselves. They could come out of the woods like Strayed, finally finding her center in herself. Or they could turn into Into the Wild's Chris McCandless. 

Grade: A-

Final Verdict: A beautiful and touching story of one woman finding herself in a reckless, impulsive way.  Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern (who played the mom) certainly deserved their Academy Award nominations - strong acting in this film.

If You Like This, Watch: Into the Wild, Julie & Julia, 127 Hours

Review: Big Eyes (2014)

Snap Judgment: I'm too young to ever have been part of the Big Eyes craze. How was something so creepy so popular? Of course, this was the same era as troll dolls, so maybe creepy was just trendy in the 1960s.

Chris Waltz and Amy Adam act their hearts out, but can't save the movie from the cinematic cardinal sin: it's boring. The one bright spot is the courtroom scene, which manages to be funny and kinetic.  

Chris Waltz plays what he plays best - a charming, smarmy, likeable, hateable man. He's Walter Keane, a conman who finds his best long con in Amy Adam's Margaret Keane. She's sweet and timid and happy to be taken care of after running away from her abusive ex-husband. 

Amy Adams turns out to be a talented artist (if by talent, you mean really good at drawing creepy children). Chris Waltz is an excellent salesman. Together they create an empire of creepy children all across America (and then the world). Unfortunately, Chris Waltz doesn't want to share any success, so he takes all the credit and uses Amy Adams as a one-woman creepy child sweatshop.  

Chris Waltz and Amy Adams play their roles with conviction. But something is missing in the film. The individual scenes worked, but it didn't come together.

Grade: B

Final Verdict: Beautifully acted but ultimately hollow. The courtroom scene (where Amy Adams takes on Chris Waltz in a court of law) was funny and sparkling - worth seeing, but not worth sitting through the whole movie for.

If You Like This, Watch: Sweeney Todd, La Vie en Rose, The Theory of Everything, Girl With a Pearl Earring, Frida